I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
