I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
What a dumb baby whore.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
