I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We have so much sex to catch up on
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
