i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
