making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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