The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
