i jhust puked up my retainher.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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