My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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