I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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