ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
