I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
