I cockslap morals
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
