You're completely useless in the revolution.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
