that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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