I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
