i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
