I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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