What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
