Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
