I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
