Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
