I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
