my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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