I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
