Rock
Scissors
Fuck
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
