no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
