he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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