i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
