ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
