All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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