My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
