I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
