I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
