hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
