last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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