You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
