Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
