the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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