just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
