What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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