so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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