I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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