A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
