I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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