You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
