Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
