Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
