You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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