Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Be still, my beating vagina.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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