your parents love me but you hate me
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
