I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
