He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
