I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
